The first day

WE CAN BOOK YOU FOR SURGERY NEXT WEEK - IT MAY BE A MASTECTOMY… ….I could hear but not understand

.....I was crying but didn't feel it .....This can't happen to me - NO it isn't.

But I am not ready for this, Doctor. Can't I go without this treatment? Is there any other option? “If you don't, you will die”, the doctor tried to tell me.

I am not ready for this - I need time to think. “Ok, we can send you for some more tests and book your appointment with the Oncologist", the doctor continued.

On the way home, I could feel tears falling. My husband was holding my hand. Fifteen minute drive was never ending. My mind was fuzzy, nothing I hear some while made any sense. I was speechless!

.....how could this be happening to me? .....no, its not possible. .....what if it is true, .....do I have to go through it? .....what if I don’t? .....there must be a way out!!

I couldn’t stop crying. My husband by my side, was trying to console me, “you are in good hands and you will get the best treatment so don’t worry”. But nothing seemed to work. I would control myself for a minute and then start crying again. Why me?? Why now?? What next?? Will I be normal again?? What will happen to me and my kids and my family?? How will I bear it?? Will I be able to live again or is this the end??????

Questions, questions and only questions - I had no answers for any of the questions.

What came next was running between hospitals, meeting doctors, nurses and other specialist staff. Gradually, I realized that I was in good hands. My questions were promptly answered. My concerns were rightly addressed. My fears were taken care of. The team who worked with me, made sure that I was taken care of.

Looking back, I realize that it may have been difficult but was not impossible. After all, you only live once and what good is life if there are no challenges. No matter how difficult life is, positive thinking is your best companion.